25 February, 2007

of near naked ladies, ice skates, and oversized puppets

My chapliest chaps,
First of all, 'twas lovely to run into a few of you at the Shameless Dames
burlesque on Friday. Wildeflower, the Lady R was very pleased to make your
acquaintance, and Sir Conrad only twitched once or twice with envy as your
fine manners and skilled idle banter no doubt wooed her from betwixt the
satin-clad ladies. Mademoiselle de Pompier (if indeed this moniker belongs
to you, I am in quite a shameful tizzy remembering which Chaply Title
belongs to which modern one, but I do try!) I must apologize for my
overambitious fingernails, and the security guard's aggressive mishandling
of your fine form, but you do understand that without my pastys, I am
Nothing. Nothing. I can appreciate you were spirited to see them...at such
close hand(s), and I promise to try to find you a pair of like quality for
when next we meet.
But anon! This short missive is an announcement for all who might be
inclined. A small and very amazing puppet company called Clay and Paper is
having a skating event next weekend at Dufferin Grove park. From 3 to 5pm
there will be skating at the ice rink there with very large puppets and one
of these modern musical phenomena they call DJ's. Should be glorious, and
'tis free as well, so you may save your ducats for hot chocolate afterwards,
should any be inclined. Here is the uber-telegraph address for any
interested parties, ( http://www.clayandpapertheatre.org/news.html)
Oh yes, and I do suggest forgoing chaply raiments for woolly underthings,
bellaclavas and mucluks, given the state of the weather these days.
I, for one, shall be wearing a parka beneath my pastys.

Cheerio, all, hope to see you on the ice!

11 February, 2007

RE: A UCCS Nomination

I am fully too distraught to properly address my dearest chaps and lushes.

Yesterday only having just returned from an alpine saunter up the mountain
of Cype' and discovered this rather trifling missive... I felt I must reply.
In the negative.

May I protest? Is there room for dissension? I cannot sit idly by while we
allow such a sleepyhead scholastic-ridden liars-in to woo our one truest
chap to the hot wet climes of Oz.

For that is her plan. And no pets? By god.

I beg you. What can possibly be the reason for allowing such a nefarious
associate of the sea going hordes into our not-insubstantially vetted midst?
If propriety allows, for I speak only the barest observations as a modest
lady of indescriminate means, I dare say! Absolutely not. I am prepared to
face the not seemingly nice wayfaring house of which she is extended. No,
rather nay! to all nefariousness.

The Lady Pompier
Abreast in Wildes

02 February, 2007

Fwd: in response to the request for an update of the charter

I have attached the requested correspondence regarding the urgent update of the UCCS charter:
Peregrine Cheswicke Ravenshaw
President, Owner, Officer, Naturalist, Ravenshaw & Co. Exotic Imports Ltd.
(ubernet address censored from possible Vulgoisie invasions)

A UCCS Nomination

Spendid recounting, Penchance!

Oh, how i've missed your sweetly cunning forked tongue. What wordwise
witifacts you craft!

On your invitation, i am proud to propose that UCCS Membership be extended
to the most strict, orderly, and warmhearted Chap i know, the

Lady Grace Bedfordshire
(ubernet address censored from possible Vulgoisie invasions)
Headmistress and Principal Disciplinarian,
Caulfield Grammar School

Who is also exceedingly adept with the birch rod.
She has been tirelessly maintaining the New Holland Refuge Centre for Chaps
Abroad, where the good Sgt. Furrier and myself have oft found solace,
sustenace and a firm birching before an enticingly early bedtime.
Lady Grace enjoys bircher muesli, toast soldiers with soft boiled eggs,
sunset promenades, and some of the earliest recorded bedtimes known to
Mankinde. She has no pets.

I anticipate that my Lady, pending her Membership, would appreciate only the
occasional posting of UCCS events, as her scholastic schedule and far
removed circumstances may leave her indisposed to receiving all of our
voluminous missives.
As such, i request that we exempt her from the primary UCCS mailing list.

I find the Lady Bedfordshire to be of the most worthy echelon of Chapkinde
and i humbly ask all you Chaps to please consider her for UUCS Membership.
Also, as she decends from an old House in Penzance with certain nefarious
nautical allegiances, i caution that crossing her may garner you a gleaming
cutlass held cold to the pulse of your neck.
I have learned not to defy her. I pray you follow me on this, lest it be
the plank [and not the spank] for you!

Ever your Student In Man,
ahem, Student Of Mankinde,
Ozcar Wildeflower

01 February, 2007

Charter Update is neccesary

Hello Chaps,
What a dashing display it all was. I must say I never expected that we would have such a smashing turnout of dandies as we did. By Jove, the halls of the Royal York haven't seen such panache in at least 30 years to be sure. Fabulous work on the slow festering surprise tactic, everyone was nicely scattered about at different tables and the added touch of people arriving just as we sat down only added to the sense of snowballing Chappelry the evening had in store.

A few highlights

1. I must make note of the fine cut of Impresario's suit as well as his Ermine accessory, fabulous.
2. The Pimm's #1 Gin Cups were made just right after the bar tender was giving a right schooling.
3. Gandja Djin was sporting a resplendent Afghani Battle Vest positively smoking with inner fire. By god a few of those could power the revolution into the future.
4. Les Rouses looked right recovered.
5. The Lady Guinevere and her accompanying femme fatale had my loins in a pretzel.
6. What a Guestbook that was, what font choices, what card stock, nothing less than Arches 90 pound cold pressed I wold guess. Printed in Duo tones. Touche Pippa.
7. Oh what a joy to pin those pins onto all those breasts.
8.Chapahauntus' newest incarnation was a bag....er gas I mean. And her friends were as upstanding as they come, despite some hearing problems, may we all lend our pipes to the assistance of the Rear Admiral's ear in the future.
9. Woodblocks prints....need I say more?
10. The finest of pipe weeds personally delivered by the Vicar from his parish garden. (bet you wished you stuck around for that Djinn)
11. Russian Bride....Bang, Pop go the Champagne Corks
12. Moroccan Slave boy.....I must say Fourier I know you've spent a long time alone in the barrens but you can't tell a slave boy from from a dashing Princess of the East. Charmed.
13. And of course most importantly Ozcars face in the early minutes of the evening. (already tempered by an earlier Pimm's #3 Winter Cup). That said it all.

Must say it would be nice to get together an updated charter with new member's names added. I can't remember most of them. Please send membership applications and nominations.
All membership applications should include.

Full Name (plus modern world moniker)
Email address
Occupational Description

They can either aplly or you can nominate someone if they are too tyed up in pressing engagments to do so themselves.

So much my Chumades,
Until next time.

Penchance Polyflute the Loinhearted - at your service