16 November, 2007

I was born a month before Jesus! Run come celebrate!

Ahoy Chapelures,

I invite you to my party.  Come.

Unlike some people who are as yet unborn, and so have no birthdays, and so are not turning twenty seven, I am having a birthday bash.  Oh yes.

Time: High Park Station

Place: December 1st

Date: 1 p.m.

Be there or be even more square than you already are.

Presents: Why, thank you. Food bank donations (they prefer $ to food, apparently - but either's fine) AND / OR
carbon offsets (http://www.davidsuzuki.org/Climate_Change/What_You_Can_Do/carbon_offsets.asp) are awesome.
If you give them to me, you will be awesome, too.

RSVP if you feel like it, in any form you like. Carrier pigeons are a classic idea, for those of you racking your brains for the perfect "creative RSVP".
If the idea of RSVPing gives you shakes and hives, don't do it. I will also be accepting high fives on the day of, in lieu of RSVPs prior to the event.

See you there. I expect that the more intelligent among you will be wearing neat camouflage-themed facepaint.
I salute your intelligence! Stand up and be counted!
The game will be followed by festivities back at my new homestead at 1579 Dundas (next door to my old place and the Lula Lounge, Matt Galloway's favourite club). You will note that in this way, I am combining birthday and housewarming parties. This is due to the fact that I am a genius. Because I am a genius, you should come to my party. Logic! I am a logitician!

The game is based on a combination of Stratego (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Stratego) and Capture the Flag.  You will like it.


P.S.  Orenzo, I lost the piece of paper wif your address.  One hopes that it has not fallen into the wrong hands.

R U Ready for Windows Live Messenger Beta 8.5? Try it today!

01 November, 2007

of the modest beginnings of the armoire secretary, recorded 10 November, 2006

(This missive sent from Penchance Polyflute the Loinhearted to UCCS founding members, forwarding the application for admission from one Pippa Ellsworth Marigold of the West-End Armoire)

.- - - . -. - .. --- -. .-.-.- -.-. --- -- -- ..- -. .. --.- ..- . / ..-. .-. --- -- / ..- -.-. -.-. ... / .... . .- -.. --.- ..- .- .-. - . .-. ... .-.-.- - .... . / .. -. ...- . .-. - . -.. / ..-. --- .-. . ... - .-.-.- / ( http://www.qbit.it/lab/morse.php for translation of Morse code)

Communique from the Inverted Forest as Follows:

Dear Charter members of the U.C.C.S. I would like to present to you an application of membership by the close friend of Douglas Fourier one Pippa Ellsworth Marigold. She has sent this electronic missive, and I find her to be an ample patron of the Chap Spirit. I put forward the motion to have her entrenched in to our Charter as a member. Will anyone second and third the motion?

Yours in heat,
Penchance Polyflute the Loinhearted

Here is her message to us. (she is a mistress of flattery indeed)

Dearest Dandies, Flaneurs, and most convivial chaps,
I have had the honor of being forwarded the latest correspondence from Mr.Wildflower to Sir Furrier, and am writing this with a slight apprehension that if I am not prompt in my reply, I will lay waste this second chance to be included in such fine e-pistles and worldy missives as you all seem to have been indulging in for some time.
For many a month now I have sat, sipping tea and staring out my basement window, at the flabby buttocks and unfortunate footwear that pass me by, wondering where and what civilization has gotten to. Could it be that the lifting of a dog's leg is all that is left to mark the cultural progress of my fair neighbourhood?
Well by the tiny balls of Christ, I fervently hope Not.
Perhaps, then, a hearkening unto new avenues of discriminating pursuits and dialogues will prove fruitful? I certainly hope so.
I have few recent tales of exotic lands, having landed, oh, now, four years ago, from mine own worldy travels; to this (ahem) "fair" city of Toronto, in the hopes of making something vaguely respectable out of myself. I am however prone to frequent bouts of teary nostalgia, for dreary foreign lands with overcooked food, for incomprehensible guides through highly underrated nooks and crannies of the East, as well as other less-spoken of but equally curious nether regions of this fair planet.
I would be most happy to partake in any like-minded meanderings, as well as perhaps contribute a thought or two from my modest corner of existence, were you to be so kind as to accept me into your brethren.
Most kind regards, and a toast to you all, mit (unintentionally) soggy biscuit,
Pippa Ellsworth Marigold. (Esquiré)

ps. (having just received an outline for potential membership, mere MOMENTS before sending this off, I would like to add a small...adjunct, complimenting the present members of the UCCS on their genius and all-round chapliness. So there. Pip Pip. Jolly Good.)

15 September, 2007

a small here here to immortality from Penchance.

You show good form old boy, generosity is the spice of Mankind and you show it in droves. Its no wonder your Sherpas are so devoted to you, what with all the favours you dote upon them . Keep your tent cozy and full old boy those high peaks can chill to the bone.

Penchance Polyflute L.H.
Preparing for my Sojourn

P.S. If by chance you catch sight of the elusive Putnam Mongrel Hawk please try to identify its genus for me.

10 September, 2007

sunset saunter immortalized

After thoughtful and due consideration of the matter at hand... and
consulting my faithful Sherpa porters, I have come to see wisdom of
reproducing, in image, the buffoonery that was the Sunset Saunter. Hence I
am full of endorsement for Pippa's endeavor.

Jaxon Tethers
Himalayan Emperchment at 18,000 ft.

22 August, 2007

of pomp and vigour on a Saturday afternoon: the 2007 Chaps Olympiad

My fellow chaps,
First, an apology, this e-pistle is long overdue, and shows a remarkable lack of grace with regards to due regards, erm, regarding the events of some weekends ago. Matters in the armoire swept me up, as always, and one must occasionally struggle past the fatigue of being...overworked.
I must thank you all profusely for allowing me to participate in the Vigorous sport and imbibations (sic) of early August, during this year's edition of the Chaps Olympiad.
I commend especially Ozcar's Exemplary organizational skills (indeed, ahem, i commend All his Skills, but for our purposes here, I shall restrict myself to the matter "at hand"), as well as his kindness in "manning" the croquet set and grocery purchases. His queen's wave to the vulgoisie as the boat left the harbour showed outstanding pomp and elegance in the face of the disagreeable rabble.
Penchance's examination of the inaugural prize pineapple was prompt, reliable, and dignified. Furrier's conquering of the rubbish after first being bested by it in the rubbish removal event was...unprecedented, and Chetsy's ballet-like manoeuvres and bookish tenacity in the face of the Great Gut Stretch will be remembered with great fondness in years to come.
Without further adue, dear chappies, i lead you across the fields of uber-telegraph land, to a small "cyber" album of dagu-E-rrotypes highlighting moments of the great day:


To come soon: the Autumnal Classic, and a Wintertime-tea-party, sure la glace! And this time we will not part ways until we have engaged dear Hendricks in a congratulatory libation. All Hail the Noble Flaneur!

TooRoo, laddies,


11 August, 2007

just to know what our cousins are up to back in the homeland


picture a man...

caught in mid-stride, his gaze arrested on some yonder seemingly uninteresting thing.... yet he waits, he pauses, he gazes.... and then, he stops full. He takes a seat, his jaw resting in his hand, his eyes alternately fixed on yonder object or lost somewhere in his imagination, and he ponders... ponders, ponders, ponders, till the cows come home....

09 August, 2007

2nd UCCS Olympiad

Good Day, Chaprades,
my compatriots in Good Will, Good Sport and Good Gin.

A brief reminder of Saturday's UCCS Olympiad and Garden Sports Invitational.
[A long winded reminder to follow.]

Please arrive at the York Harbourfront Ferry Docks for 9 o'clock on the
morning of Saturday the 11th of August.
Given the Weather of late, we aim to partake in the Picnic, Sport, and
Ceremonies during the early hours, so that we may ferry back to the
Mainlande before any discomfort beneath the crisp collar.
And also that we may the earlier partake in a refreshing Pimms No. 1 Cup at
the Royal York.
Or several.
Chaps abroad will note this scheduling may allow the return to Vulgoise
undertakings later in the day.

This is a general call to have ready any wicker or reed picnic baskets,
thermal canteens, parasols or umberellas, and, of course, your finest white
or off-white linens for sporting vestment.

As ever, prepare yourself for Croquet, Brolly Gymnastics, Attendant
Football, Wading, and general Labyrinthine Athletics.

Until we Romp again.

Yrs in Simple Indulgences,
Ozcar Wildeflower III

Some pictures of the 1st Bi-anual Chap Olyimpiad to wet your appetites

Copy and paste the following into your browser:

07 August, 2007

And what prey tell...

is the Ponder-off? Could it be that most esteemed Voyager game of ages past?

So says Furrier

no one will beat me at the ponder-off.

Re: A nomination for membership

My good Sir, might I step out of time a second and say What the FUCK? Is this serious? This is the funniest thing ever, tell me its real and that he  seriously found you on the UCCS webpage and contacted you thinking you are  Ruddy Tempars The Vicar of Dual Cuntings. I hope you shall at least reply to him and inform him that you are not in fact related to the deceased.


06 August, 2007

A nomination for membership

My Fellow Chaps,

It would appear that my family in the old country has found me and is attempting to woo me back. I have claimed to be from a modest family. In truth I am the heir to an 8.5 million dollar estate. As the simple life pleases me I will not step up to claim my right. It would please me however to nominate the only link to world I once knew as a non-resident member of the Upper Canada Chap Society.

For your consideration:

Mr Timmy.A.Mgbadamegbulam
Barristers & Solicitors of the supreme court of Togo.

Please find a correspondence attached as a testament to his honour and integrity.

Yours, and mine,

Rudyard Ruddy Tempers,
The Vicar of Dual Cuntings

--- timmy mgbadam,barriester.

From the Offices of .Mgbadam & Mgbadam Solicitors
3rd floor Rue 6,Avenue 11 Cocody
Lome Republic of Togo
West Africa
Mr Timmy.A.Mgbadamegbulam
Barristers & Solicitors of the supreme
court of Togo.
Direct Tel: +228 961 8034


Private Message
I am contacting you for the claim of your late uncle fund that was deposited with the Eco-Bank International Lome, Togo. I am soliciting for your confidence in this matter, this is by virtue of its nature as being utterly confidential. Though I know that a contact of this magnitude will make any one apprehensive, but I am assuring you that all will be well since I know everything about your late uncle fund. I have decided to contact you due to the urgency of this matter. Let me start by introducing myself properly to you. I am Barrister Timmy.A.Mgbadamegbulam, the personal Attorney to your late uncle Engr. P. B. Tempers (Snr) a contractor and importer here in lome-Togo. 3 years ago he was involved in a ghasty motor accident along Nouvissi express Road. He was Banking with Eco-Bank International Lome Togo and had a closing balance as at the end of september 2004, worth $ 8.5 million usd (Eight Million Five Hundred Thousand United States Dollars).The bank now expects the Next of Kin to come forward as beneficiary. Efforts have been made by the management of Eco-Bank International Togo to get in touch with any of the Deceased Family or Relatives, but they have met with no success. Now the management under the influence of the bank Chairman and Members of the Board of directors, has made arrangement for the fund to be declared Unclaimed so that they can share the money amongst themselves. In order to avert this negative development, as part of my duty, I decided to track his last name over the Internet, to locate any member of his family hence I contacted you All documents and proof to enable you get this fund will be carefully worked out by me for this claim. I have secured from the probate an order of Mandamus to locate any of the deceased beneficiaries, and more so am assuring you that this claim is 100% risk free. On the receipt of your response i will furnish you with detailed clarification as it relates to this mutual benefit transaction. Call me upon receipt of this information.

Yours faithfully,
Mr Timmy.A.Mgbadamegbulam

Barristers & Solicitors of the supreme
court of Togo.
Direct Tel: +228 961 8034

05 August, 2007

Re: The 2nd Chap Olympiad - Prepare Thy Sporting Linens



What-ho Gents and Ladies,

Peerless news tiding to you, Prepare your inner beings for unconfinable Joy.

I am happy to Pronounce that this Saturday August the 11th shall be the date of:

The 2nd UCCS Chap Olympiad
To be held on Wards Island this coming Saturday

Come one, come all, come all day, come  all night.  Come again and again.
The Bi-annual event soon to be undertaken for the 2nd time shall feature  many of the classic spoftifs of the last Olympics as well as some new trial events.
What events you ask? Well let me inform you.
The Classics,
Imperial Rules Croquet (but of course)
Fountainside Impromptu Ballet
Old World Tourist Wooing
Crestless Cucumber sandwich tossing
The Great Gut Stretch Picnic luncheon
Attendant Football
The 100 yard Sunset Saunter

Trial sports
Labyrinth NAZI's
Umbrella Toss
ParasolKendo (for the ladies)
What will you need? You might ask  your butler to prepare you the some of he following:  Bright sport clothing or summer dresses, footwear suitable for walks in the grass, head wear, picnic basket filled with assortments of edibles to share, Umbrella or parasol (mandatory), field glasses, crestless cucumber sandwiches (the more the merrier), tea sets.
Hope to see you all out in your finest, this event is of course open to all who have someone with taste to dress them and, as always, is closed to the Vulgoise  (you know who you are).
Please forward to all who have been missed.
More news to come mid-week.

Yours Truly,
 Penchance Polyflute the Loinhearted

25 February, 2007

of near naked ladies, ice skates, and oversized puppets

My chapliest chaps,
First of all, 'twas lovely to run into a few of you at the Shameless Dames
burlesque on Friday. Wildeflower, the Lady R was very pleased to make your
acquaintance, and Sir Conrad only twitched once or twice with envy as your
fine manners and skilled idle banter no doubt wooed her from betwixt the
satin-clad ladies. Mademoiselle de Pompier (if indeed this moniker belongs
to you, I am in quite a shameful tizzy remembering which Chaply Title
belongs to which modern one, but I do try!) I must apologize for my
overambitious fingernails, and the security guard's aggressive mishandling
of your fine form, but you do understand that without my pastys, I am
Nothing. Nothing. I can appreciate you were spirited to see them...at such
close hand(s), and I promise to try to find you a pair of like quality for
when next we meet.
But anon! This short missive is an announcement for all who might be
inclined. A small and very amazing puppet company called Clay and Paper is
having a skating event next weekend at Dufferin Grove park. From 3 to 5pm
there will be skating at the ice rink there with very large puppets and one
of these modern musical phenomena they call DJ's. Should be glorious, and
'tis free as well, so you may save your ducats for hot chocolate afterwards,
should any be inclined. Here is the uber-telegraph address for any
interested parties, ( http://www.clayandpapertheatre.org/news.html)
Oh yes, and I do suggest forgoing chaply raiments for woolly underthings,
bellaclavas and mucluks, given the state of the weather these days.
I, for one, shall be wearing a parka beneath my pastys.

Cheerio, all, hope to see you on the ice!

11 February, 2007

RE: A UCCS Nomination

I am fully too distraught to properly address my dearest chaps and lushes.

Yesterday only having just returned from an alpine saunter up the mountain
of Cype' and discovered this rather trifling missive... I felt I must reply.
In the negative.

May I protest? Is there room for dissension? I cannot sit idly by while we
allow such a sleepyhead scholastic-ridden liars-in to woo our one truest
chap to the hot wet climes of Oz.

For that is her plan. And no pets? By god.

I beg you. What can possibly be the reason for allowing such a nefarious
associate of the sea going hordes into our not-insubstantially vetted midst?
If propriety allows, for I speak only the barest observations as a modest
lady of indescriminate means, I dare say! Absolutely not. I am prepared to
face the not seemingly nice wayfaring house of which she is extended. No,
rather nay! to all nefariousness.

The Lady Pompier
Abreast in Wildes

02 February, 2007

Fwd: in response to the request for an update of the charter

I have attached the requested correspondence regarding the urgent update of the UCCS charter:
Peregrine Cheswicke Ravenshaw
President, Owner, Officer, Naturalist, Ravenshaw & Co. Exotic Imports Ltd.
(ubernet address censored from possible Vulgoisie invasions)

A UCCS Nomination

Spendid recounting, Penchance!

Oh, how i've missed your sweetly cunning forked tongue. What wordwise
witifacts you craft!

On your invitation, i am proud to propose that UCCS Membership be extended
to the most strict, orderly, and warmhearted Chap i know, the

Lady Grace Bedfordshire
(ubernet address censored from possible Vulgoisie invasions)
Headmistress and Principal Disciplinarian,
Caulfield Grammar School

Who is also exceedingly adept with the birch rod.
She has been tirelessly maintaining the New Holland Refuge Centre for Chaps
Abroad, where the good Sgt. Furrier and myself have oft found solace,
sustenace and a firm birching before an enticingly early bedtime.
Lady Grace enjoys bircher muesli, toast soldiers with soft boiled eggs,
sunset promenades, and some of the earliest recorded bedtimes known to
Mankinde. She has no pets.

I anticipate that my Lady, pending her Membership, would appreciate only the
occasional posting of UCCS events, as her scholastic schedule and far
removed circumstances may leave her indisposed to receiving all of our
voluminous missives.
As such, i request that we exempt her from the primary UCCS mailing list.

I find the Lady Bedfordshire to be of the most worthy echelon of Chapkinde
and i humbly ask all you Chaps to please consider her for UUCS Membership.
Also, as she decends from an old House in Penzance with certain nefarious
nautical allegiances, i caution that crossing her may garner you a gleaming
cutlass held cold to the pulse of your neck.
I have learned not to defy her. I pray you follow me on this, lest it be
the plank [and not the spank] for you!

Ever your Student In Man,
ahem, Student Of Mankinde,
Ozcar Wildeflower

01 February, 2007

Charter Update is neccesary

Hello Chaps,
What a dashing display it all was. I must say I never expected that we would have such a smashing turnout of dandies as we did. By Jove, the halls of the Royal York haven't seen such panache in at least 30 years to be sure. Fabulous work on the slow festering surprise tactic, everyone was nicely scattered about at different tables and the added touch of people arriving just as we sat down only added to the sense of snowballing Chappelry the evening had in store.

A few highlights

1. I must make note of the fine cut of Impresario's suit as well as his Ermine accessory, fabulous.
2. The Pimm's #1 Gin Cups were made just right after the bar tender was giving a right schooling.
3. Gandja Djin was sporting a resplendent Afghani Battle Vest positively smoking with inner fire. By god a few of those could power the revolution into the future.
4. Les Rouses looked right recovered.
5. The Lady Guinevere and her accompanying femme fatale had my loins in a pretzel.
6. What a Guestbook that was, what font choices, what card stock, nothing less than Arches 90 pound cold pressed I wold guess. Printed in Duo tones. Touche Pippa.
7. Oh what a joy to pin those pins onto all those breasts.
8.Chapahauntus' newest incarnation was a bag....er gas I mean. And her friends were as upstanding as they come, despite some hearing problems, may we all lend our pipes to the assistance of the Rear Admiral's ear in the future.
9. Woodblocks prints....need I say more?
10. The finest of pipe weeds personally delivered by the Vicar from his parish garden. (bet you wished you stuck around for that Djinn)
11. Russian Bride....Bang, Pop go the Champagne Corks
12. Moroccan Slave boy.....I must say Fourier I know you've spent a long time alone in the barrens but you can't tell a slave boy from from a dashing Princess of the East. Charmed.
13. And of course most importantly Ozcars face in the early minutes of the evening. (already tempered by an earlier Pimm's #3 Winter Cup). That said it all.

Must say it would be nice to get together an updated charter with new member's names added. I can't remember most of them. Please send membership applications and nominations.
All membership applications should include.

Full Name (plus modern world moniker)
Email address
Occupational Description

They can either aplly or you can nominate someone if they are too tyed up in pressing engagments to do so themselves.

So much my Chumades,
Until next time.

Penchance Polyflute the Loinhearted - at your service

31 January, 2007


Rear Admiral Beasley Uxbridge Mountemyoung (fondly known to his crew and
cronies as "Admiral BUM") wishes to be added to this list, thus I have CCd
him on this e-mail.

Fine shooting, Furrier!

A quick moment to commend you on these fine daguerrotypes, I AM pleased we
have one of the remarkable lobby architecture for our records, as well as a
record of Ravenshaw, the newest addition to our clan.
I shall go through my own records at greater length soon, that we may have a
voluminous album of imagery to take us through the cold winter months until
we all may meet again for gin, conviviality, and... cucumbers.
A note to those who may be baffled; I set the B.L.O.G up in Greenwich mean
time, it seemed the only apropos option.
If anyone, however, disdains its inaccuracy to our northern environs, they
are welcome to change it!

Just a box and a pinhole, and behold!!!

Dearest Chaps,
Oh Hoorah for such a stupendous evening of delightful company and dashing attire and wondrous conversation! I do value my time at the cabin, delighting in solitude and the thrills of solo adventure in the wild but this my friends... this IS civility!!! I am sure we made a good enough impression on the vulgoise (less one guitar player) to entice them to give up a culture of 'work ethic' and modernity and instead pursue much loftier goals such as being the finest dressed, or most impressively witty.
Some images were miraculously captured by the strange device I was experimenting with that evening. They told me, 'just point and shoot!' and I thought it couldn't be too different from hunting and so I pointed, and I shot... and here are some of the better results.

A most impressive gathering:

Our bookmaker extraordinaire and the Loinhearted examine the most fabulous guest book:

Further examination of the resplendent tome:

Further perusal is a guarantee:

A devastating glare from Ghandja Din as he stands in the most resplendent and grand company:

The Lady Guinevere at ease with a most fabulous chap whose name escapes me!!! please someone correct this grave faux pas!!:

Bagarvance and Penchance enjoy a pipe together:

The Loinhearted and Ms. Marigold, esq. examine some intriguing artifact (I'm sure):

The most unjustly doubted Ravenshaw and the bashful subject of his woodcuts:

Forgive me fellow defenders of tweed but it is late and I must anon... more daguerreotypes to come I assure you...

Change of estate

My dearest fellows,
What a marvellous evening spent in esteemed company and sublime spirits, despite the envious bar wench whose lackluster gin pouring left my palate almost in drought. Fie! A librarian was never harsher treated in a Library Bar, indeed, and I had half a mind to beat her with my glove.
I write now to beg you to reroute official correspondence to this, my city address, as it is long since I resided at the gmail estate. You are much more likely to find me at this home, as it is a much more suitable place from which to gallivant and, on occasion, cut a caper (if only for use with salmon and warm, browned bagels). 
So, lads, until we next meet for vermouth and civilized acts of civil rebellion, I look forward to your continued wit and wisdom, and wish you endless mirth peppered with a healthy dose of knavery.
I have also sent a copy of this letter to my dear friend and occasional cad, Edwick. Please extend to her all the wamth that one united to destroy the vugoisie deserves.
Pip pip,

30 January, 2007

to Douglas Furrier, aspiring archivist, and beyond.

Hmm. It will be interesting to see if my cyber footman can find you if I hit
reply from the B.L.O.G. message you have sent me.
In order to post daguerrotypes, Douglas, you must enter the B.L.O.G under
the guise of the armoire secretary.
Go to the Ghronicle page, click sign-in in the top right corner (under new blogger account), and input (removed to foil the Vulgoisie, please refer to your personal missives, chaps!).
This should allow you to post whatever you so wish to, providing of course,
it is befitting the civility of chapliness.
In fact, I shall send this to all chaps, since my intention was merely to
set up the archive, and then pass the secretarial duties to each member in
the form of the forwarding address, so that, hopefully, the archive might
run itself.
Quite something, this Ghronicle medium. Although I do disdain these modern
toys, they are, every so often, very useful.

29 January, 2007

Re: With much gratitude and archival musterings, on a Sunday eve.

Indeed, once I figure out how to package them properly in a cyber-efficient
way, will do. In the meanwhile you should be able to drag and drop them from
the B.L.O.G archive. (http://uppercanadachapsociety.blogspot.com).

PS. when responding, dear chaps, do erase prior correspondence, signatures,
etc. from the bottom of your emails, that they do not re-appear in the
Ghronical records. Too Roo!

RE: With much gratitude and archival musterings, on a Sunday eve.

Can you send all the photos in an e-mail?
--B. Vance

With much gratitude and archival musterings, on a Sunday eve.

Dearest Chaps,
What a wonderful evening. My inception into high society fulfilled all of my
lofty expectations and then some. I awoke this morning to find my ample
bosom covered in stray feathery whatsits, and amongst them I did lie,
nostalgically pondering the events that passed, and how life really is a
remarkable thing.

Overwhelmed with a momentary wistfulness (which frequently I discover to be
flatulence, but only in my most private of moments), I decided to start a
Bi-purpose Linguistic (and) Orthographic Ghronicle before the moment
passed, as it does so quickly, and I once again become consumed by the
duties of my armoire.

I am quite convinced that this Ghronicle will some day be of great value to
the archivists of our time, especially what with the insipid and most
frequent invasion of the Vulgoisie upon both our civil liberties and lavish

So my dear chaps, at your leisure, I do entreaty you, add this
uber-telegraph net address to your list:
(omitted due to potential Vulgoisie perusal).

THAT'S ALL YOU NEED DO! So modern! You will then see your correspondence
promptly appear at uppercanadachapsociety.blogspot.com, suitably environed,
I feel, befitting the true pomp and grandeur of our Upper Crust.

As a test, I have posted the missives that didn't make it into our guest
book prior to Wildeflower's receiving it, as well as some nominal
photographic record of last night's revellry. If anyone feels my stylistic
choices to be in question, please feel free to change them, the statistics
for said B.L.O.G are cited pa(ren)thetically: (HA! excluded in this public posting to foil the Vulgoisie! HA!)

Enough. Now, I must to my armoire for my Sunday
I much anticipate future events with you all, and I toast you all and your
unparalleled skills of revellry.

Yrs satiatedly,

--Onwards always with tweed--

28 January, 2007

Some photographic plates from our evening of Pimms and Conviviality at the Royal York Hotel

What follows are only a few of the photographic plates taken from the evening's festivities, welcoming back to our small plot of land one Ozcar Wildeflower III. Alas, the armoire secretary is used to being...ahem...in front of the camera and not behind, and so these are by no means a complete record. I would suggest that all others blessed with ownership of one of these remarkable "cameras", contribute from their own vast archives, especially Furrier, since he seemed greatly occupied with a this sort of...voyeurism throughout the evening.

The UCCS membership in full regalia at the Library bar of the Royal York Hotel.
Founding Member Ozcar Wildeflower III, convivializes with ermine accessory.

Wanton Frippery in the UCCS pinning of Vivien Pickleford, the Grenedier
Chapahontas and Polyflute
The Vicar of Dual Cuntings and Polyflute the Loinhearted enjoy a pipe outside the Jersey Giant public alehouse.
The Admiral pays homage to Queen and flag.

On the fragile nature of the Royal York event guest book

I awoke to realize I had made a rather egregious error in making our guest book dustcover, and the blasted thing wouldn’t open properly. I have rectified this situation, amateur bookmaker that I am, but I do urge you all, be delicate when opening and closing it. We shall, at a later juncture, make a more clean repair of it.
 Sigh. I suppose this is  how it goes. My travel up the ladder to high society has been fraught with excess wheat paste, a mismatched ribbon, and incalculable cardboard difficulty.

A last minute Messive from UCCS HQ

Attention all,

Last Minute messive...From UCCS HQ

All plans are firmly afoot and progressing nicely despite sudden disappearance of my jacket's lower button. Ozcar is presently dressing in preparation for visit to my folks place for warm up winter Pimm's where we shall rendezvous with the Sergent. We shall be coming in the door of the Library as close to 7:00 as possible, so be prepared. As you all know Ozcar has a a particular habit about being late, we shall try our best to herd him like a jellyfish in the tide.

Also there might be a reservation for us under the name UCCS Upper Canada Chap Society. Please try to disperse however into smallish groups not just one crowd. We shall be going for the slowly realized surprise as opposed to the sudden Hurrah as settled earlier. Might be a nice touch to have a few Chaps who don't know Orenzo to be mingling in the Royal York Lobby.

There will be a quartet playing this evening in the Library Bar also so try to sit as far away as possible, and it is of course necessary to be in our best behaviour so as not to be ejected from the premises.

Hope to see you all there, this should be right special, I dare say.

Penchance PolyFlute the Loinhearted

Regarding Furrier's new spouse and potentially improper exertions.

I should not say that I am surprised, for I am not. But I do feel the need to make comment on this what I see to be a return to reprehensible tactics on your part, Furrier.
Chaps, when I met Sir Douglas years ago, it was in, not to be too explicit, a much different circumstance than this. I shall refrain, for the vainglory of us both, a delving into the salacious detail of circumstance, the Siberian excess, the shadow of the town Irkutsk with its questionable citizenry and their countless dubious nocturnal manoeveurs.
When I was contacted by Dougie and told of this fair gathering of gentry, I hesitated, but was assured that I was being enticed to join Gentlemen (and many of them!), creatures of discernment, of chivalry, and of blue-blooded valour. And oh, how I do Love a firm bit of  blue-blooded valour!
I had myself, for some years now I confess, been making able-bodied exertions to propel myself up out of the gutter and into a gathering of civility. So how well pleased was I to hear that not only was Dougie doing the same, but that his Moroccan boyservant was still able to find me after all this time (and WHAT A MANSERVANT HE IS)
I’m sure, dear chaps, we are all aware of these ice queens, these Russian Beauties, these ubiquitous brides, with their ample bosoms and showy gimcracks. Well I for one will not remain silent in an instance like this. Should I see, tomorrow evening, that this Beauty is being treated with anything less than a gentlemen’s firm commitment, I shall quickly, loquaciously, and voluminously reveal Furrier’s coloured past to her, that she may be au courant to his at times cryptic motivations.
So, good Dougie, with all undue respect, I hope to see a devout allegiance between you and this lost child of Romanov, an allegiance that remains unwavering when the ladies-in-waiting arrive, and when the maidservants top up your vodka.
One cannot afford to be irregular in days like these, Furrier, especially when one is so prone to looking critically upon the engrossments of others (I speak here of Ravenshaw’s woodprints, whose authenticity you were so quick to pounce upon)
Yrs righteously in trepidatious times,

From the desk of Douglas (cad about town) Furrier, BFA, on the eve preceding that of the Royal York gathering

Honorable Ladies and Gentlemen,
   Tomorrow night, at the very occasion of our own Ozcar Wildeflower III's return into our fold, another spectacular appearance will be taking place.  Some of you may know that this past year I was away under the employ her Majesty's Colonial service in the Far East (and Far FAR East!).  You may know that I traveled to such amazing and adventurous places as Van Dieman's Land, the Republic of China, Nippon, and even New York, but what you probably didn't know is that I also was sent to the great barren lands of Mother Russia under top secret contract from the crown!  In the cold wastelands of northern Siberia I battled most valiantly against impossible odds trying to keep the Mongols at bay.  I was fighting daily for my life and there was nary a moments rest as I defended the most lofty ideals of Monarchy (even a Russian Monarchy) against barbarian hordes.  It was a lonely time, and I, was, lonely....  When the surge of foes occasionally subsided for a spell, I tried to find the time to sojourn at the local town of Irkutsk and hope to meet other folk I could talk to of things closest to my soul.  Things like the merits of Gin over Vodka, and of cucumber salad over borscht.  I longed to meet someone who I would be able to share my thoughts with... it was such a lonely, cold time, and I thought my prayers would never be answered.  That is, until a certain flaxen haired, statuesque, queen of the ice fields walked in the door to the restaurant where I always took my tea.  She looked about the room as one who is surveying her realm, and I could tell by her noble aspect and striking, powerful aura of importance that not only must she be some lost child of the Romanov's, but I knew that we were destined to meet!!!  I leaped to my feet (spilling my glass of vodka and cucumber, but that is no matter when such important events are in play) and rushed to where she stood and motioned for her to take my arm and suggested, nay, pleaded with her to join me for diner.  She only stared back as if she was transfixed by the visage of some earthy gollum who she had no idea what to do with.  And indeed, how could she?!?  It had dawned on me that of course this fair creature of the frozen hinterlands could speak no more the Queen's good English as I could the Tzar's brutal Russian.  I was crestfallen, but not about to give up!  I quickly employed the assistance of my trusty barman (who had been kind enough to supply my vodka's with cucumbers since my arrival in this lonesome part of our planet) who I insisted must act as a translator between the two of us.  Proper introductions were quickly made and I learned that although this sudden object of my hearts desire was not directly related to Peter, it could not be ruled out that she was not somehow linked to Ivan, which was not terrible news to me, and only made me more curious about this native snowbird who had both frozen my heart instantly with her presence and now was beginning to melt it with her emerald green eyes.  I do not wish to on too much at length good chaps about the long, white nights that followed and the dark, dark days of winter wherein I came to know all about this strange and wondrous thing of icy beauty.  For she turned out to be much more fire than ice; with a laugh that would crack open even the most Genghis like grip on a mans emotions.  And so, dearest chaprades, it is with the greatest sense of manly pride that I will be able to present to all of you Saturday evening, who are the finest personages I know, my new and lovely Russian bride!  You will know her by her hair the colour of the suns rays, and stature of loftiest nobility, as if eagles could perch on her shoulders and feel right at home.  I hope you will give her such fine entertainment as I know you are all capable of... although, unfortunately, I might still add, she as of yet has very little command of English, and may blather on in Russian a good bit, especially if you get too much drink in her, which she is wont to consume voraciously. But I digress.... I look forward to seeing you all tomorrow night, and toasting the man of the evening, Ozcar Wildeflower III, back from research of native tribes in New Holland, and I hope you will be good to my fine new bride.
   (also my Moroccan boy-servant will be coming and can be made available to obtain drinks for you throughout the evening if you should so ask it of him).
   With great anticipation on tomorrows events,
   Sgt. Douglas Furrier, BFA

ps... I am sure I do not need to mention this to you fine folk, but although we are certainly expected to engage in the most delightful and memorable comradery tomorrow's eve, it is also expected that we upkeep the decorum befitting a chap of the highest order in the fine establishment of the Royal York Library Pub.  Fisticuff matches are to be taken outside, as are duels, marital spats and those displaying a drunkenness of the fall down fashion.  Cheers!

On acertaining who in fact would complete said guest book for said Royal York Gathering

Truth be know, the twitchy alter boy that was to do
the crafting in my stead has recently succumbed to a
tremendous fever that has left us both in tub flinging
ice at each other (to keep spirits up, you know).
So yes please, pour the pulp of your creativity into
the void we've gleefully, no dare I mean painfully,
created concerning 'les art papier'.
With gratitude I remain,
yours fearing sobriety,

A Polite Reminder regarding our Forthcoming gathering at the Royal York

Dispatch from the Frontier:

Citizens of the New World, attendees of upcoming chap reunion, I have a polite reminder for each of you.  

The much anticipated momentous event that is the return of Ozcar Wildeflower the Third is to be a chapstravaganza of the highest order. All those who are honoured enough to be invited to attend must have already realized the spectacular opportunity this gathering presents for those dandies, fops, cads, lords and ladies, urchins, knights, and so forth to 'strut their stuff' and bring to the entire Society's attention how utterly presentable they are.  I am speaking, gentlechaps, of your dress for the evening.  How you adorn yourselves this Saturday soir will be duly noted and marked down forever in the annals of the UCCS history books... do not let this opportunity pass by to bring our your finest velvets, tweeds, chantilly and lace garments and impress all of the Royal York patrons with how utterly magnificently you can wear whatever style it is you have the privilege of sporting.  In other words... dress accordingly.  I have heard rumor that there may be a fellow with one of those new fangled motion-picture cameras there... You are chaps... make us proud!!!  Make Ozcar proud!!!  Long live the Tweed Revolution!!!
And....  While keeping a careful eye on the goings-on of the wild Upper Canadian frontier, I, Sgt. Douglas Furrier, BFA, have been made aware by the athorities of the existence of a certain wonderous child of nature that has graced our rugged country and brought twirling joy to the English stationed here.  I have heard the wonderful news that this creature, Chapahontas, will be present at the upcoming Chaptivites at the Royal York Hotel this Saturday.  I for one will be honoured to share a drink with her!
I have the following information from the Captain at Fort York concerning Chapahontas.  I repeat here for you all:
"Chapahontas is an Indian princess, the daughter of Powhatan, the powerful chief of the Algonquian Indians in the Tidewater region of Virginia. She was born to one of Powhatan's many wives. They named her Matoaka, though she is better known as Chapahontas, which means "Little Wanton," playful, frolicsome little girl."
What an oportunity to Frolic with Chapahontas!!  I cannot wait!

Yr's in earnest faith,
Douglas Furrier

A note from the UCCS armoire secretary/correspondence delegant.

(Being a slightly modified version of an uber telegraph sent to the founding chaps some time ago, suggesting the inception of some sort of modern archive for the UCCS, its events, and the gadabouts of its constituent flaneurs)

Good sirs,PERISH the notion that I would publish personal and intimate details of heretofore fellow chaps and yet strangers on something as vulgar as a blog, but I was concerned with retaining some sort of record of the witty repartee of chaps at large. For immortality's sakes, of course.
I do concure with Sir Furrier about the unfortunate nature of the word blog. I wrote to the OED some time ago to complain, in fact, and got the following as explanation:

Dear Ms. Marigold,
Thank you for your concerns about the naming of the Bi-purpose Linguistic (and) Orthographic Ghronicle. I'm afraid this acronym was arrived upon for expediency's sake, and since evolution seems to be moving in the directions of efficiency, we must ourselves recognize the cruciality that language follows suit.

Horrified at what seemed an egregious and most cataclysmic typo, I followed up with a letter querying the misspelling of what I could only assume was meant to be "chronicle", only to be once again humbled by those grand (thumpa thumpa) masters of our english language.

Dear Ms. Marigold.
The use of the G is purposeful, we assure you. It intimates that something more than a C is at hand, as the chronicle in a Bi-purpose Linguistic (and) Orthogrphic Ghronicle is rarely that of one person, but on occasion that of the peripheral characters in said person's life and environs as well.

Which brings me back to the UCCS, and my firm assurance that I will only ever use the chosen titles of fellow members when commenting on UCCS activities. I understand the nature of privacy most intimately, having a great many dire secrets myself, which I wouldn't wish my real name to be attached to in the presence of such civilized sorts.
Many thanks and Pip Pip.